Well, it’s been way too long since the last time I blogged. It may be the inspiration of the New Year or the realization that I have been really bad at consistency, but it seemed like it might be time for me to start writing again. So here I am…
With 2013 gone, I feel (not just know, but really feel) a new start. The race seems quite a distance from me now and as this New Year and all its opportunities came my way, I got to thinking. Thinking about the changes I want to make and where I should go from here. Not thinking as much about where I was a year ago, but more about where I want to be this year.
And I honestly don’t know many of the answers to the questions I have. Questions that are the same ones you have asked me since I’ve been home: What’s next? Going back to school? Moving? Getting married? What’s the plan?
I don’t know the plan. I only know where I am right now. And where I am right now is maybe not where you would expect.
I suppose knowing who you are is important to everyone. People don’t want to go through life without intent, but my struggle with identity is that it seems hard to continue on until you really understand who you are.
I remember having confidence in myself…living my life according to the truth Papa spoke over me and knowing His truth was the only truth that mattered. But somewhere along the line, I started hearing more voices in my ear…voices telling me what is acceptable and what I should be doing, the path that is best and how I should pursue it. In the noise, I lost me. I lost what seemed so sure, so definite.
So, as this year gets started and we all dive into new adventures, mine will begin by jumping backwards…that’s right, I’m starting over by looking backwards. I want to move forward, but I have truth in my past that I’ve let go of in the last six months. It’s about time I pick that back up.
Sometimes you have to let the past stay there, but other times you have to go back in order to pick up the parts that were always meant to be taken into your future. And that’s the truth about where I am.